‘I found my beautiful girl dead in her bed at 23 and it haunts me every day’
Kate Bome, 52, from Essex, has told how daughter Charlotte passed away from Sudden Arrhythmic Death Syndrome
“MUM, will you do me a favour?” asked my youngest daughter, Charlotte. “Can I dye your eyelashes?”
She’d just left school aged 16, and was training to be a beautician. Now she often used me and her sister Becca, four years her senior, to test out her latest skill. She even roped in my partner Chris (now 46), who had his eyebrows tinted and his armpits waxed!
But nobody could say no to Charlotte. She was a force of nature, full of fun, who radiated warmth and laughter.
She was kind and caring, too. She loved children and was in demand as a babysitter. When Becca had a serious car accident in 2000 and suffered head injuries, it was Charlotte who took a year off from work to help me nurse her big sister.
She loved fashion, make-up and killer heels. She was forever changing her look, experimenting with her hair colour and borrowing my clothes. If she asked: “What could I wear that goes with this?” I knew she had an eye on something in my wardrobe!
When a branch of Primark opened in our home town in Essex, she was in heaven.
After a couple years, Charlotte had decided being a beautician was not for her, and found a new job as a nursery nurse. She was even put forward by the nursery for a regional contest to find the Apprentice of the Year.
Then in the spring of 2014, she found a new job in the admin team at a firm of solicitors. She began training as a legal secretary.
Meanwhile she was planning a trip to LA and New York. She was buzzing about the trip which she intended as a big blow-out before coming home to start saving for a house.
I loved sharing in her excitement as she planned her future.
She told me: “One day, I want to have four children. Including two girls called Ava and October.”
But it wasn’t to be.
On November 22, 2014, Charlotte was spending a Saturday night at home while I was out visiting my dad in hospital for that evening.
But I saw her when I came home and her last words to me were: “Night, night. Love you lots.” She was always extremely affectionate like that, forever hugging me and saying: “Love you, Mum.”
Next morning, she didn’t get up.
It was a Sunday so she didn’t have to go to work, but at about 11.30am I knocked on her door and called her name. There was no response. I went into her room and there she was in her bed, looking like she was peacefully asleep, but she wasn’t breathing.
When I touched her, she felt cold. I dialled 999.
An ambulance arrived but the paramedics said they couldn’t resuscitate her - she was gone. She’d simply gone to sleep in her own bed in her own bedroom in her own home, and never woken up.
Words can’t describe the feelings that overwhelmed me. Shock. Grief. Disbelief. I don’t know how I got through those first days, but somehow they passed in a blur of tears and misery.
There had to be an autopsy, to find the cause of death, which revealed that at the age of 23, our seemingly healthy girl had died from a previously undiagnosed heart defect. I never even dreamed such a thing could happen to a young woman in her prime.
But after going online, I read that our family was not alone in its loss - hidden heart problems claim the lives of 12 people under 35 in the UK every single week.
About 150 people attended Charlotte’s cremation service - she had been loved by so many people. We asked them all to wear a touch of pink because it was her favourite colour.
The silent killer that claims hundreds of young lives every year...
Every week in the UK, at least 12 young people die of undiagnosed heart conditions.
Sudden Arrhythmic Death Syndrome (SADS) is an umbrella term used for the many different causes of cardiac arrest in young people.
There is a simple way to diagnose most cardiac abnormalities - by having an ECG (electrocardiogram) test. Results should always be read by a cardiologist. For extra clarity, an Echocardiogram can also be done.
Since 1995, the charity Cardiac Risk in the Young (CRY) has been working to reduce the frequency of SADS. It offers subsidised ECG and Echocardiogram screening to young people between the ages of 14 and 35.
CRY also supports young people diagnosed with potentially life-threatening cardiac conditions and offers bereavement support to families who’ve already lost a loved one to SADS.
Additionally, it funds research and cardiac pathology services at leading UK hospitals.
For more information, visit www.c-r-y.org.uk
Now, each morning, I got out of bed, to be overwhelmed by that exact same gut-wrenching feeling I felt when I found my precious baby passed away in her bedroom.
Every day brought fresh “triggers” that left me drowning in memories and waves of grief. A song on the radio, a smell, a sudden realisation that this was real and not some horrible dream.
I kept Charlotte’s bedroom just as it was when she left it. Actually, no, that’s not entirely true—I tidied up! I put fresh flowers there, next to her ashes, and sat talking to her.
Each Sunday I submerged myself in memories, reliving the events of that last day, going through my memory box containing her favourite perfume, all the birthday cards she sent me, letters she wrote to me, her favourite childhood teddy, her most-loved CDs and the many photographs I had of my beloved daughter.
How could I bear the thought of never seeing that lovely face again?
But as the months passed, together with Becca, Chris and others, I came to feel that something positive had to come from our tragedy. Charlotte was always a force for good when she was alive, and now we needed to continue that legacy in her name.
Together with some of Charlotte’s friends and colleagues, we began fundraising for the charity Cardiac Risk in the Young, which campaigns for routine screening of teenagers to detect hidden heart problems.
Calling ourselves Charlie’s Angels, we held a events and functions, including a race night, cake sales, a Grease versus Dirty Dancing fancy dress party, and a black tie dinner.
In 2016, three generations of our family walked together in a 10K London walk to raise awareness for CRY, including Charlotte's grandma, my mother Maureen, then 79.
The fundraising continues today and for me it’s both a link to Charlotte and a help in moving forward. So far, Charlie’s Angels have raised £46,000.
I’m still coming to terms with losing Charlotte. I’ll never again be the contented mother I once was - when I lost my youngest daughter, I also lost all my hopes and dreams for her future.
There will never, ever be anyone else like our Charlotte. But she’ll always burn bright in the memories of those of us who loved her, never weakened by age or ill health, but shining her light for all time.
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To donate to Kate’s fundraising efforts, click here.
Last year we reported how a dental nurse, 24, died from Sudden Adult Death Syndrome after "going to sleep and never waking up".
Yesterday we told how Vicky Pattison is "drowning in pain and grief" as she continues to struggle with sudden death of best friend.